I feel like before I indulge everyone in music and carry on like all is well, I need to pay respects to the darling little cherubs who were so brutally murdered on Friday in Newtown. I know that the entire nation, and maybe world, is traumatized by the events on Friday, but I just can't seem to stop thinking about it. As horrifying as it is, for some reason it's even more terrifying because it happened a town over from where I live. I nanny kids that age. I couldn't even begin to imagine what the parents, teachers, family members and caretakers are going through right now, knowing that a 20 year old boy living among us, was capable of doing something so grotesque.
I have to be honest, it bothered me so much when all of a sudden, people were making claims as to WHAT it was that caused Adam to do this. It's because guns are legal, it's because we give too much medication to kids, it's because he was bullied. I'm sure ALL of these reasons play a part, but NONE of us know what was going on internally within Adam, and I don't think it's right of us to try to pinpoint or blame it on a single reason.
I don't know why Adam did this. And I think what bothers me the most about this whole situation, is the fact that a human being was capable of looking in the eyes of these little pumpkins, and then killing them so easily. I don't want to believe that an evil like this exists. This didn't happen SOLELY because he had access to weapons (although making it harder for people to have guns SHOULD TOTALLY BE TAKEN INTO ACTION) or because he was on a medication for a personality disorder (WHICH AGAIN, PEOPLE HAVE ISSUES AND ITS A WAY TO DEAL), this is because something that NONE of us can fathom, was going on inside of this boy. I'm not trying to get political, or say that guns should be legal/illegal. Growing up we were always told that if we saw a gun in a house we were playing in, to GET OUT as quickly as we could.
I think I'm just trying to wrap my mind (which is impossible) around why someone would do something so intrinsically evil. The caliber of this event is the highest and most disturbing of anything I've ever seen in my life. I think about all the philosophy's I've read, that people are intrinsically good, apathetic, bad, that we are created in the image and likeness of Christ..but HOW is this possible.
I feel like there is not ONE way to prevent an action like this. I do however, honestly and wholeheartedly feel like the only thing we can do, is keep God in our hearts. Because say there actually is a Heaven and Hell, and we have a chance we live on after death - Paschal's wager - I would want to go to Heaven. And I would want the people I'm close with to be there, too.
God forbid there IS a judgment day.
Friday was one of the scariest and saddest days of my life. There was just a massive cry and mourning throughout this state [country, even.] I don't like that this is possible. I don't like that humans are capable of such destruction. It scares me, and I don't feel safe anymore.
Why did this happen?
RIP you precious, precious darling little children. RIP you wonderful, heroic, and extremely brave teachers.