Sunday, April 25, 2010

Walter Fox - Arrythmia / Pinecones

OKAY. i have been trying to get these songs up for quite some time now, but the internet just wasnt agreeing with me on anything so it took me a long time. ANYWAYS, this is my good friend Walter Fox. he's away in america right now. i wish i was with him experiencing the country right now. he's beautiful, his music is beautiful, and i miss him. and weird thing about his music is that i normally hate acoustic slow stuff, but this shit is on repeat over and over again. i love his voice, and i love his creativity. please enjoy my friends, this is some amazing music.

miss you, walter dear. get real.

Walter Fox - Arrythmia

Walter Fox - Pinecones
(this song is so animal collective-esque. but by one man, amazing)

being alone with words is dangerous

i've noticed this thing about myself and it's a little bit scary. i'm not quite sure how to handle it, but its consuming me, my time, and my thoughts. i've noticed i've been leaving social gatherings early in time to get home to partake in this new obsession that i have. i read. books. i've never been so into reading in my entire life. but i have become completely comforted by them, soothed by them, and involved in them. nothing to me sounds better than coming home from a 12 hour work day and laying down and reading. all i ever want to do is sit in the park, in the warm days we've been having, and crack open a book and read. i've said no to going out to bars with the like...four people i know in this town, and i am completely comfortable in my nook of the house with my stories. i think a lot of it is because i dont want to deal with the drama and people now that i'm home. being home is hard enough, being away from people sucks, and i used to get depressed from being along all the time, but its so different this time. i love being alone. im working, doing my thing, obsessing over my music, writing my brain off, and reading. it's amazing. and i'm totally fine. it makes going out that much better, and appreciating the city so much more...and i dont know why. like i get a different view on everything after i read a book. my dreams are even more vivid, and my vocabulary becomes so much more extensive. i sort of feel like that cliche lonely gir in highschool who only has her books, and it kind of pisses me off thats how i feel, cause thats super lame, but its true and i can't help it.

i wish everyone would read more, it opens your imagination so much and everything becomes so much more beautiful. my writing becomes so much more articulate, and so much more frequent. then i just get this massive sense of release that i used to get in other ways, worse ways, but this feeling of release is so much better, and so much safer. follow me in my reading journey, friends. meet me under the tree in the park, bring a book, and read. lets all do it together.

Monday, April 19, 2010

this house is not a home

well. im home. i knew it was going to be tough living here, but i didnt realize how much this place just isnt my home anymore. i walk into my house from being picked up from the airport, and my kitchen is completely redone, the dog is like nine feet longer and has this attitude, i cant find any of the spoons or cups, the food is beyond organic, and my brother is almost my height. my mother continues to make rude comments on my wardrobe, and asks who i could possibly be texting at 1 am. i dont belong here anymore, clearly. i hate that i had to move back here. i hate this town, i hate this state. i hate that everything i do gets a comment, everything i wear gets a comment, by a family member, or an old highschool friend i see in town. i need to get out of this place. i feel like alice when she takes the "eat me" and grows a mile tall and cant fit inside the house. ive said before that coming home steals a part of your soul, well, i think it ate the entire thing.

Friday, April 16, 2010

The Glitch Mob - Beyond Monday

i just recently became a fan of this super rad electric trio known as 'the glitch mob'. after hearing 'drive it like you stole it', i immediately became addicted to their dark, danceable beats. this is a brand new video for 'beyond monday', by Brandon Hirzel, and it's fantastic. it's completely mesmerizing, and the lights are insane. it's like a super modern/electric, normal looking human beings version of the blueman group. this video only makes me kick myself for not saving enough money to see them live at coachella...ugh. well, dear friends, enjoy.

THE GLITCH MOB : BEYOND MONDAY from BEMO | Brandon Hirzel on Vimeo.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

well, im on some road...

i wish the amount of stress that is crushing my body would go away. not knowing where to go to school, to work, not having money...its all weighing down on me tons and tons. but i keep getting this idea in my head like, who cares if i know where im going right now in my life? why do i need a path? i was watching alice in wonderland yesterday, and theres a scene where alice starts to cry because the path she's following starts to disappear. a broom dog comes and sweeps it away from right under her feet. now where does she go? she has nothing to follow. part of my mind thinks that that is okay. i know tons of people who just live for the moment, they have no commitments, and they act like their job is just to enjoy life. i could do that. i would have no problem living day to day working random jobs, just living life to have a good time.
as i keep reading 'on the road', it doesnt fail to remind me of some friends i used to have who i feel live the life that sal lives in the novel. they have no commitments. they cant, because it will interfere with the life they want to live. nothing is set, every day is a new day, and there is nothig to worry about. nobody to hurt, nobody can hurt you, and noone can blame you for anything. you can drink and dance and sing all you want all the time, every day, and its amazing. meeting people and and getting involved in relationships that end so suddently, its all really beautful at first...well, i have no job, now i have no school, and i feel like i should live this life too. its a carefree happy view on living, but there is something in me that sees it as empty...

i suppose its because ive tasted this life before, and as much fun as it is, i cant help myself from wanting something that's not constantly in flux. to me it got old. i loved having a good time constantly, but the love shared between others became falsified, because i guess i actually loved them. i have a problem where i tend to think my friends feel the same way i do about them, but, that tends not to be the case, unfortunately. and i realized that even though people can act like you are way important to them, you realize that you cant be. they are always changing location, opinion, ideas, (which is great!), but i guess its just not for me. and even though im at rock bottom, i want to have a plan. i dont need one now, i dont need a set path, but i need something stable. and the only thing that has stayed stable in my life so far is trusting in myself. i will get myself out of this shit hole life has so graciously put me in, and im going to start figuring out my plan.

jack: you have great ideas. you are seeing life through a different set of eyes, i wish i could join you on your instable journey, but i cant. i will finish reading you with an open mind and heart, and when i finish, i know i will miss you.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Diplo vs. Sunday Girl-Four Floors / The Glitch Mob-Drive it Like You Stole It

it's 3:17 am, on spring break in florida, and i am spending my nights reading 'on the road', and raping music blogs for new music. not your typical spring break... well, here are some gems i found. cheers.

Diplo vs. Sunday Girl-Four Floors

The Glitch Mob-Drive it Like You Stole It

thank youu

Laidback Luke - Till Tonight (Original Mix)

"one thing bout music, when it hits you feel no pain"...only thing that can come to mind for an intro to this song. love laidback luke remixes. enjoy.

the forcing of change

welp. ive hit rock bottom, kids. the entire student body of my college received an email yesterday telling us that our school went bankrupt and we have until wednesday to move out. ...happy spring break to us. im at a point right now where normally i would cry writing this, but because of all the extreme shitty things ive been finding like numb to everything. really shady money dealings, having to move back north 2 months early, finding jobs, finding a damn school to go to for my LAST damn year of college...anxiety is back in full. just when i thought i found a place i thought i loved, a place i thought i could call home. welcome back, panic attacks. no school. no money. negative x amount of friends. no job. well, i can continue to have a completely negative attitude about this and talk about how now i have nothing in life going for me....which would be so comfortable for me, but im not going to.

maybe, JUST maybe, this is going to be a really good opportunity. im not quite sure for what...but maybe this will open other doors? im almost depressed that i am being forced to leave atlanta, but maybe this is a blessing in disguise. maybe this will be better for my mind/body/soul. maybe not having anything stable in my life...except half a handful of humans...will force me to learn more about myself because, once again, ill be by myself. i dont want to stress. i really do not want to. maybe that was all the time i was supposed to spend there. i had my fun. i realized its not a place i want to be forever...i strayed from God. i realize i need Him. UGH i dont know what i need. i dont know anything now. back to square one.

to a select group of people from atlanta & scc (you know who you are), ill miss you, i love you, and i thank you for everything youve done for me. goodbye for now, i hope to see you in the future.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

easter break

so for the beginning of my spring break, i went to peachtree city to stay with my best friends extended family. i love them like my own. i had a wonderful easter with my best friend and cousins. we even got to spend one day in the park, it was lovely.