Friday, April 9, 2010

the forcing of change

welp. ive hit rock bottom, kids. the entire student body of my college received an email yesterday telling us that our school went bankrupt and we have until wednesday to move out. ...happy spring break to us. im at a point right now where normally i would cry writing this, but because of all the extreme shitty things ive been finding like numb to everything. really shady money dealings, having to move back north 2 months early, finding jobs, finding a damn school to go to for my LAST damn year of college...anxiety is back in full. just when i thought i found a place i thought i loved, a place i thought i could call home. welcome back, panic attacks. no school. no money. negative x amount of friends. no job. well, i can continue to have a completely negative attitude about this and talk about how now i have nothing in life going for me....which would be so comfortable for me, but im not going to.

maybe, JUST maybe, this is going to be a really good opportunity. im not quite sure for what...but maybe this will open other doors? im almost depressed that i am being forced to leave atlanta, but maybe this is a blessing in disguise. maybe this will be better for my mind/body/soul. maybe not having anything stable in my life...except half a handful of humans...will force me to learn more about myself because, once again, ill be by myself. i dont want to stress. i really do not want to. maybe that was all the time i was supposed to spend there. i had my fun. i realized its not a place i want to be forever...i strayed from God. i realize i need Him. UGH i dont know what i need. i dont know anything now. back to square one.

to a select group of people from atlanta & scc (you know who you are), ill miss you, i love you, and i thank you for everything youve done for me. goodbye for now, i hope to see you in the future.

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