Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Stop Being Scared of Depression & Anxiety


Disclaimer: This was a really hard post for me to write, partly because it's so filled with emotion, partly because it makes me extremely vulnerable. So, I'm sorry if it's all over the place. 

Last night I felt compelled to write something about anxiety and depression, one part because of all the statuses I saw people suddenly posting about it, and another part because people are so heavily misinformed (yes, to this day) about how detrimental anxiety can be. But this morning, as I was perusing through the always enlightening Facebook newsfeed, two people posted an article and it sent me entirely over the edge. One person posted about how they wanted to learn everything Catholic about depression and how they couldn’t believe it didn’t have to coincide with living in sin and the other article was “Saints that Suffered From Depression” and one said “I want to know the Catholic stance on depression." K. One. The Catholic stance on depression? You mean the universal stance on a mental illness? Oh my God, a person can be depressed without having to live a horrible sinful life!? Sometimes it’s not only caused by self-loathing? And what, now that Robin Williams died (RIP you lovely, incredibly human) and you liked his movies, you’re going to take the time to actually read up about what causes depression and anxiety, and now you’ve realized that since Saints suffered from it, it’s OK to pay attention to it?

We are in some serious trouble, people. And I’m not going to sit here and blame the ignorance of some religious folk, because my family is Catholic and we are probably the biggest advocates of educating ourselves and others on mental illness. But my God, are people seriously this ignorant? I didn’t want to believe it but, yes, they are. 
I’m not using this post as a “oh Robin Williams was depressed and died from suicide, so let me share MY experience because I totally understand what was going on in his head.” No. Not at all. But maybe, MAYBE from my personal experience I can shed some light on humans who for some illogical reason thought that anxiety and depression only existed in people who led immoral lives so they wouldn’t give their time to them. 

I was depressed at 15 through about 23 along with probably 76% of every human alive. Everyone has some form of anxiety & OCD because guess what, LIFE HAPPENS. I can’t speak for them but I can speak for myself when I say I don’t even know what caused mine. I've been anxious since I was 7. And if you're not familiar, anxiety sucks. You can't help it sometimes. When I was in first grade I used to throw up when my mom would leave the house at night because I was always scared she'd get in an accident. I used to get sick to my stomach when certain songs came on the radio because they...sounded sad and made me anxious. I saw a therapist at 8 and he told my mom I was lactose intolerant. I wasn't, I had anxiety. I used to get scared of getting the stomach flu because I hated when my stomach hurt that I would actually get so nervous I made myself sick. Then growing up, like sure, I had issues with my mom, yeah, I got molested my second semester of college. But now that I’m realizing my time spent in my therapists office, sure, a lot of things were probably factors in my depression, and sure, when I was 21 and tried to overdose on oxy something DID put me over the edge (failed miserably, obviously, I’m still here) but not all depression stems from ONE thing. It’s an illness, and I had it since I was SEVEN. I remember sitting on my bed when I was 21 holding a bottle of pills and the song I was listening to all of a sudden sounded like it was telling me to take the pills. It wasn’t, I was listening to a Flufftronix remix, but in my warped mind that’s what it sounded like to me. And right after I took them I got scared and called my brother. (Blah blah blah fell asleep, woke up in an ambulance, went to the hospital, had to get some psych treatment but I was fine, just in case you were wondering). But when I was in the psych ward of the hospital, I was put in a room without a handle on the inside of the door so we couldn’t leave. It was a giant, metal, empty room. And I was stuck in there with other people. Other CRAZY people. Other crazy people who had been arrested and were on some serious drugs. One woman was tripping on something and kept singing me Beatles songs. It was terrifying. So I knocked on the window and asked the guard (yes, guard) if I could come sit with him because I was scared of sitting inside with the other people who had been taken off the streets. When he let me, and the social worker finally came to check on me to see if I was stable enough, I poured out sorry after sorry telling her I just took the pills because I wanted to sleep for a while. 
Gripping onto her clipboard pointing at me with her pen “but I see the wounds on your wrist haven’t healed” 
“I know but that’s behind me, I just did it as a coping mechanism I won’t do it again!”
“OK but your mom doesn’t think you’re ready”
“But I am I PROMISE”
and she stood there, standing far away from me, panicked, like she was scared of me, and finally decided to release me. 
We have the wrong people working in our psych system. We need people who are compassionate. Who understand. People who don’t treat all patients the same way and cluster them into one horribly cold room.
After that, two of my best friends stopped talking to me. Completely. And were scared, and didn’t want to have to deal with someone like that, or be seen with someone who actually needed a friend more than anything in the world. See, that was MY way of seeking help. I’m not sure if I actually wanted to die, or just sleep for a really long time because I didn’t want to feel sad anymore, but it was an outcry. And some people are just born with really dark thoughts. I think there are definitely certain things we can do to try to overcome it, but to try to pin it on one thing is really awful. YES, of course PTSD exists! but, humans have emotions, it’s what makes us….human. We are happy and sad and angry and everything in between, and sometimes some of us have a really hard time staying positive. So all of these articles I’m reading about what it was that tipped Robin over, or why he was depressed, or, what’s the Catholics view on depression — it’s all bullshit. That’s like asking, so WHY did he get the flu, what was it, and what’s the Catholic take on the flu? What are you talking about. Depression and anxiety is not myth. It’s not some made up disease that only resides in people who aren’t religious. Why are people so scared of it!?


I remember being in college and talking to counselors about my depression and some of them saying “well you need God, and to stop living in a way that’s compromising to your faith.” Which, on one end, is totally true - like we should be living in the healthiest way possible, and live in a way in which we believe actually seeks the ultimate happiness, but, you can’t just brush it off like that. People need help. Some people just need compassion and love and some people genuinely have a chemical imbalance in their brain that requires outward deposits of serotonin. And some people are genuinely just sad. We seek kindness, we seek love, we seek happiness. There is no “catholic view” on depression. There’s a universal view. And we need to start paying more attention to mental illness, RIGHT now. 

Friday, June 27, 2014

Living in Excess Doesn't Make You Happy, It Makes You Sad



I went to Italy and Greece for a couple weeks, and although I knew that it was going to open my eyes to some things, I didn't realize that it would mess with my perspective on just about every aspect in life. Since I've come home I haven't wanted to open soundcloud, write reviews, or even just listen to music. I want to sit outside with my book and a cold cappuccino, turn my phone off, and then pick flowers and make food. Now, I'm fully aware Mercury is in retrograde and that little bastard messes with just about every single detail of life, but I really think something happened in Europe that made me want to change a lot of things. There were a lot of things I noticed when I was abroad that I fell in love with, so I'm going to make a list.

1: The way parents treated their children. When a couple went out at night with another couple to get food, they brought their children. Their children sat in the seats, ate the same food, and held the utensils properly. The kids (especially in Greece) were out until about midnight or later, and then slept the same hours as the adults. They chilled on the beach with their mothers without constantly having to be "entertained" and when they got antsy, the parents gave them toys; not electronics. Having kids in Europe is a joy, not a burden. The more the merrier in those families, and they actually enjoyed the company of their kids. Imagine that, huh?

2: Obviously the food. I ate more food than I ever had in those two weeks, and when I got home I weighed less than I did when I left. You know why? Cause they're healthy, and they cook without butter and shit and sugar and poop. I ate NON gluten free bread, and I didn't bloat, I had more cheese than ever and my body responded more than well to the intake.
The most important thing I took away from it was their coffee. NOBODY walks around with a yoga mat and a venti sized coffee, they sit down and enjoy a croissant with a shot of creamy espresso, and you know what, it does the trick. The more I think about how big our coffee's are, the more embarrassed I become.

3: There were no age limits. On anything. Ages 15-80 were at the bars, all dressed extremely stylishly, and all talking with one another. There were no old women afraid to show their flair of wardrobe, no "oh no I'm too old to wear this or to drink that" - it doesn't matter. Tastes are tastes. It was so nice to be sitting with people of all ages having one conversation.

4: And the most important of all, not one person I met asked me what I did within our first conversation. Not once. And I had learned certain things to say in Italian so I could keep up with conversations, but not once did I have to use "sono journalista di musica." Not once. You know why? Cause nobody cares what you do. It doesn't define you. Here, in New York, every single person is defined by what they do and where they work, there is NO way around it. And yes I lived in the glory of how simple the life was over there, because the coolest people I met were literally a butcher a baker and a candle stick maker, but as I got to talking to this awesome girl I met who spoke perfect English so I didn't feel SO out of the loop - she broadened my mind a LOT. I explained to her how nice it was to not be asked what I do, and I went on and on about how annoying that is to here every time you meet anyone for the first time in NYC, and that your area of work isn't the end all be all of your life, and although she agreed, she made a really good point. She said people in Italy put their dreams on the nightstand, and nobody asks what you do because it's virtually impossible to work your dream career. You can't be a journalist like you can be in NYC, they're all just nice ideas that never come to fruition. In New York City, you CAN be anything you want to be, so when people ask "and what do you do?" it's because you have the resources to become whatever you want. Basically there's no excuse in NYC because you are given the opportunity to make it happen. Obviously the grass is always greener, but I fell in love with the simple life of Italy. When I went to Rome all I wanted to do was come home, save money, and then move back and open up a cafè and floral shop.

I'm spent. I'm so damn sick of this music industry and busting my ass and trying to appease people for nothing. What comes from it? Am I happy? Am I making other people happy? Am I giving myself? No. I'm stressed, I'm broke as shit, I'm up til 3 am trying to meet whoever I can so I can maybe find my journalist break, and I'm so tired of it. I don't care about meeting big producers or DJs or whoever the hell they are. Why am I looking for so much approval from people? What does it do in the long run? We're all human, we're all hustling, and we're all so consumed with this idea of glory. Even how I'm "trying to find my break" - why do I need to be a noticed journalist. As long as I get to write my truths, isn't that all that matters? I want to live a simple life. I also really miss music. I miss listening to it and having time to enjoy a song and love it for just as it is, music. I hate trying to make it a business, it's ruining the purity and bliss of sound for me, and I want that butterfly BACK in my stomach every time I hear a fantastic new track.

The night I got home, I got rid of about 70% of my closet and other random things I own. I am sickened by how many "things" I own, buying new clothes don't make me happy, it makes me poor and stressed out. I don't need a lot. I need love, my books, rent, and the love and company of my family and good friends. I don't know what this means from here on out, but I definitely am just going to try to finish writing my book, and work enough so I can save so eventually I can do whatever it is that makes me happy. I just want to be happy, and I really don't think that's a lot to ask.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

RIP Golden Age of Music Blogs


Yesterday morning I was sitting on my computer, browsing (stalking) media bistro, craigs list, looking for jobs and letting my iTunes roll around. Then the BRAHMS remix of “Emily Sue” came on and I immediately typed into my iTunes search “RCRD LBL” to see what other gems I could find, and a beautiful plethora of music, mostly remixes from 07-10 started to play and I felt like I was picked up and thrown into a pile of soft, warm and cozy memories. I sat there for a while thinking about my college days of staying in on weekends going through all those good old blogs finding new music ( I was a huge loner the first couple years of college) and I got really fucking sad. There are days I am so excited to be out of school, published, knowing what I want in life, and then I think about what it was like in the days I first found the world of the music blog, and my God, do I miss it. 

I thought about the first time I found Hypem, and how utterly blown away I was. I remember sitting on my computer, having the tabs for all my favorite music blogs open, and just devouring everything they had to offer. GvB, Audio Porn Central, Vacay V, bbbscience, RCRDLBL (RIP) all open, feeling so damn comfortable just sitting with my computer and this music pouring from these godlike blogs that some higher power must have sent down for us all to be cradled and nurtured by. I adored the community of music bloggers, always sharing what they posted, stalking the shit out of the writers to see where they came from or what else they did. It was an escape for myself, I had no idea there was a whole world of people who loved music this much. I remember receiving Massive Attacks 'Heligoland' cd IN THE FLESH, listening to "Paradise Circus" over and over again, memorizing each transition APC did when they would post their Sunday Mashups. I wanted to be a part of this community. I had started my own music blog, so these golden aged music blogs were my idols. I would borrow cars to drive to CVS just so I could pick up the newest issue of Rolling Stone or Spin, and keep myself in my corner of my dorm, and eerily comforted by the thought that one day I would write for RS. I would get an internship at one of the mags, and just work my way up. Isn’t that how it works? I knew so much about music, more than anyone I had ever met at least. Or at least write for RCRD LBL. Maybe I could have a guest post on APC, because why wouldn’t I? Ah, I had my entire future planned out, I had dreamed of being a music journalist since I was 15, and I was going to make it happen.

LOFUCKINGL. I miss my naive self, more than you can imagine. After I applied and applied to RS, Spin, Fader, thinking that they were holding my resume in their hands, anxiously deciding between me and someone else, when in reality my email probably wasn’t even opened, I scored an internship at this baller music PR agency in NYC. I worked (hardly) and met with random bands and I remember standing in a room next to Jack White, where I swear, although I never actually saw him with my own eyes because they had the interns locked in our little closet, I could feel his presence, smell his dirty hair….. Anyway, that turned out to be a pretty good entry to the scene in NYC, a ripe young age of 20 - felt like I had gotten my foot in. Two more years of school and then I could graduate and make shit happen, right? Wrong. Oh so wrong that it plagues me to this day. Yeah, I definitely got good work, ….except I’m 25 and I haven’t even walked by the office of Rolling Stone. 

I remember when I moved back to NYC after school, I met a guy at Le Bain who told me he worked for Rolling Stone. After verbally vomiting my love for Rolling Stone since I was little to him, and my dream of having at least a guest post, he said "So I basically live your dream life" and then he asked if he could take me on a date. Of course he could! This was it, this was going to be my first intro to somebody who worked there. We went out to this really cool little jazz cafe on Park Avenue, and I had so many questions about RS I didn’t even know where to begin. We got to talking and, well, that was weird he didn’t know any of the books I had mentioned, I’m sorry where did you say you graduated from? OH you’re still in school, oh wait you actually haven’t chosen a major yet OK and …. OH YOU’RE AN INTERN AT RS. Me: “OK that’s fine that’s great, how was the selection process?? what samples did you send in?” Oh no. Date: “Actually my mom won me the internship at an auction, and I hardly ever show up.” I think I was so shocked I actually muttered something like “Oh, I guess my mom must have missed that one…” I remember thinking OK, so this is how it works. I, unfortunately, was not a member of the Society of Children Whose Mothers Win Them Internships At Prestigious Music Publications, but that was OK. I would just continue to build my portfolio, send it in to all the publications. I thought Editors and people hiring actually read random peoples portfolios... 


I’ve been back for three years and I still do not understand the algorithm that is the music scene.  And the saddest part is to watch the music scene / music blog community grow to such a point where it’s overflowing and there’s just no structure anymore. There are so many damn music blogs now, so many damn remixes, how are any of them special anymore? Nobody makes posts like Simon Iddol used to, nobody makes remixes like Miike Snow used to. I really miss the days of MSTRKRFT, Final Fantasy and old Breakbot. I miss feeling like Fools Gold was a secret treasure. I miss the day I went to my very first Mad Decent Block Party (where it was FREE and at South Street Seaport) and not a ton of people were there and I went out with DJ Sega afterwards to some random party in BK where people, who people now pay to see, were casually hanging out, open to meeting any and everyone, cause they were hustling once too. I miss not having to worry yet, and being comfortable enough with the sole day dream of being an editor of Rolling Stone. I miss the golden age of music blogs. I miss it all. I miss it a lot. 

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Denying Your Passion Is the Greater Sin


I have been so bad at keeping up my own blog, for I have no free time for it anymore, which saddens me, but also is really cool because that means I'm too busy writing for other people. But if it serves as one purpose only, that's fine by me, because my thoughts and random spews have a home.

I've been wanting to write something about this for a while, but instead I've trapped people in conversation hoping they hold the same views as me, or trying to get them to understand what I'm saying, I don't even really know. But lately I've been struggling (?) with the notion of sin, more importantly Hell, and who goes and what not. DISCLAIMER: I'm Catholic, you all know this, you can't change my stubborn view, don't try. On top of coming to a 25 year journey of a conclusion, I'm staying this religion. Plus I'm a Taurus so just....don't even try.
Anyway, I've been thinking about the traditional views on whats right / wrong in the Church, connecting it with what's right / wrong in terms of just being healthy for us in general, trying to figure out why one thing is a greater sin or the other, and I mean...this is totally going in a direction I didn't want to go in, but shit, that's what stream of conscious writing is, right? I don't want to talk about what's wrong and right, I know what I know / have been taught, BUT one thing I think has modernized itself as one of the greatest sins (and not necessarily in a religious sense of sin) is denial of your passion.
And I don't mean passion as in sex or food or being passionate about partying, I mean our intrinsic passion. We were all born with different minds, different souls, different likes, distastes, and passions. Having a talent is one of the greatest treats of life, but being too scared, too self conscious, or too unaware of it really is detrimental to our time here on Earth. I've spent a better part of my years too scared to do anything. And that did nothing but lead to regret. I regret not tapping into my mind in high school and being overly preoccupied with being social or too caught up in the drama going on in my family. I spent too many years self-loathing, being depressed, lying on my bed blasting music and not wanting to talk to anyone, undergoing therapy sessions of fixing depression, and worried what other people thought of me. It wasn't until I was STUCK in the middle of fucking nowhere in Georgia in college that I fell in love with Dante Alighieri, and a bunch of other authors and books I was forced to read. It was then I started my blog because I realized I LOVED writing, and since I was always so passionate about music and that super annoying girl in HS who was always like "HAVE YOU HEARD THE NEW PORTISHEAD" and begged other kids in college to let me play my music at their parties, I figured maybe (actually my mom suggested) I should start a blog about music. And just write about it. Even if no one reads it, write about it. Nobody was listening to me when I would hound them with music, nobody cared, so I wrote to the internet when I was 19. #bloglife. It wasn't until my school shut down and I was transferred to a really hard University in Naples, FL (and busted my ass like I didn't know what possible) that I found out I was actually moderately decent at writing. My professors told me my strong point was honesty, and that I'd make a killing at journalism, because I have to know every detail of every story I hear. So, I had a good ear for tunes, had a knack for writing, loved them both my whole life before I ever even knew I loved it, and made a life. I was lucky enough to grow up in New York so I took full advantage of moving back with the understanding of the city that a lot of people don't have.
I don't get paid well. I still nanny on the side. But I took a passion and I made it fruitful. The other night I had one of the highlights of my career, and there was a moment I looked around and I was just like "how the hell did I get here, how is this even happening right now?" And I realized I was living my dream. SHITTY effing things have happened, are still happening, I'm broker than hell, but for that ONE night, everything that I have been working for was right there, and it's a really cool feeling to know that I did it all by myself.
The point of this post was not to talk about my life, but to try to make a point that we should all take times of silence to figure out what it really is we're passionate about. Whether it be a writer, in finance, a nanny, a mother, a wife, a coffee lover, a failing guitar player, find it. Find that passion and go with it, even if you can't make a living off of it, at least you spent your ONLY time we have on this Earth trying it all out.
I also think about if something really sudden happened and my life ended. What would be said about me? Would people remember me in a good light? Would I be pissed because I never went after what I was too scared to go after? Was I nice while doing it? Did people want to be around me? I don't know if we get to keep doing what we love after we die, so this is it.

This life is the ONLY life we have, we need to make the best of it. If we all used the passion we were born with, imagine what we could do.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Miami & its Music Scene



OK, so I know I haven't posted in a  while and for those who actually enjoy my blog, I apologize, and for the others who don't like it, whatever. I just spent a week in Miami visiting my University best friends, and quite honestly, I think this was one of the best weeks I've ever had. I do understand that if I was just a little more patient with my depression, I could've waiting and gone during WMC and made it year three for me, but nah. So I have a couple things to say about revisiting the good old South Florida coast. Driving down Ocean Drive and Collins Ave with two of my best friends blasting Moon Boots, Alison Valentine and other feel good summer breeze music with the windows open, palm trees lining the streets, the ocean in plain view, absolutely melted my heart. I get chills when I look at the art deco buildings, am able to walk around bare foot, get coffees in just a bathing suit, get so tan and salty, come home, change and go out for the night, sleep and repeat. My two girlfriends are from Central America and never fail to expose me to the best of the best Reggaeton, which makes me even happier because living in NY, you forget about music like that. 
i.e:
Beach life is one of the greatest thing that happened to me, and being back this week reminded me why it is so healthy to visit places of beauty and warmth every so often. This f'ing city (NYC) is on my last nerve, it's freezing, it's grey, this industry is beating my ass, and quite frankly, I'm getting really depressed here. Just like how we should be eating clean by eating foods of color, I think we should live in places of color as well. Anyway, as I was standing on my head in a yoga pose facing the water on South Beach, I was seriously considering looking for jobs down in Miami, because nothing is better than being in that weather with my friends around music. So anyway, one night we went to one of the South Beach clubs, and as we walked in, they were playing the AMTRAC remix to "Bassline" and I was like "hell yeah, word." But then the DJ transitioned it into an Avicii song. And I mean like, to each their own, but NOBODY but me was like "WTFFF". Do you know why? Because nobody in Miami cares wtf is playing,  as long as they look good and everyone cause see them at an expensive club. And I realized, as tight as WMC is, that's mad lame that that is the only time that good music along with good crowds roll thru Miami. And don't fight with me on this one, I know theres like the occasional Bardot show with a dope DJ, but I swear to you, nobody in the crowd cares who is playing. Nobody. Everyone's on their phones, it's like a $60 cover, and drinks are stupid pricey. Now, I know Miami is getting kinda cool with areas like Wynwood and shit, but still, those are just little bars, kinda like a Willyburd / Bushwick area sans concert spaces and warehouse spots. 
If Miami had someone (me) come down and maybe help create a dope year round music scene, it would be the coolest spot in the world. Like, warm weather, gorgeous atmosphere, tan people, sand, sun, surf, music. And I'm really aiming this towards the electronic scene, not the reggae ton scene or anything. I genuinely am upset that WMC makes Miami thee shit for a WEEK then after its like a bomb just went off and everyones dispersed. It's not fair, Miami should be a tight place for music year round. Everything is too expensive, the people are too concerned with status, and it just sucks. It's like going to Avenue or 1Oak or some other super super shitty spot in NYC with dumb ass models and bottle service no matter where you go. Miami could have the tightest underground low key cheap ass spots, it just needs someone in there to go kick it's ass into shape a bit.
And I'm totally willing to be that person. 

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Thankful New Year's Post that's Pretty Sappy.

I'm going to apologize in advance if this post is super duper lame and sentimental but I can't help myself sometimes, you know? I've never been a huge fan of New Years, it's an overrated holiday where people get obliterated and can't remember their nights, but I'm having a hard time not having feelings towards this past year. 2013 was without a doubt the best year I've ever had. I got writing gig after writing gig, I met the greatest people of life, and made some of the best friends of anyone in all of the land. I'm scared for this new year because I can't imagine a better year, but maybe, just maybe it's possible that things can get even better. I am so thankful for my family, my friends, and all the people who read my ridiculous shit and appreciate it. I am thankful for being opened up even more to a music / writing community here in NYC, and although I've spent most of my life here, this is the first year I've really, genuinely felt at home in this insane city. And that's extremely hard for me because I've lived really cool places and I move around a lot because I'm never content. But I am now. I love what I do, I love my amazing friends, I love this crazy city, and I am so eternally grateful for all the opportunity I've been given this past year. Not to mention 2013 is in a VERY TIGHT run with the best year for music, IMO. God Bless my life, God Bless my family, God Bless my friends, God Bless my heart, and most importantly, God Bless Music.

And here is an amazing song that I forgot to put in my Top 10 of 2k13

Monday, December 23, 2013

Jenny Mayhem - TV Waltz





I'm not typically down for press releases if I don't already know the artist, but in this case, yes yes yes and more yes! Plucky guitar sounds and sweet vocals, very similar to the likes to Agnes Obel, and the remixes are so on point, I couldn't help but put this up to share with everyone.


The original track for “TV Waltz” was recorded with guitarist Tom Juhas at The Orange Lounge, Toronto. The stripped-down, atmospheric folk song is reminiscent of Jenny’s previous “Alice in Wonderland” from her 2011 EP.

“’TV Waltz” started with the idea of watching stories on a screen for so long that they start to creep into real life. Like with a good book, the people on TV start to feel like friends who comfort you, distract you, shape what you want. But it’s also about the power of the people who write those stories”

Jenny enlisted the support of Swiss artist Draaiwinti and Canadian producer O S L O to create two indie electronic remixes for this release. The remixes are a surprising departure from the original folk track. Jenny’s latest release is “TV Waltz” – a folk acoustic single including remixes by Draaiwinti and O S L O. She continues to write, record and collaborate with artists in Toronto and in the online community."

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Yolanda Be Cool - All That She Wants (feat. SYF & Fritz Helder)





First and foremost, anything and everything having to do with Ace of Base is an automatic excellent in my book. Second and also foremost, any cover of an Ace of Base done by Yolanda Be Cool and the boys from Azari & III is a going to be a guaranteed banger. This track is unreal, the weirdness of SYF and the vibes of YBC is enough to get anyone out of a poor mood and remember why music is the single handed coolest thing in the entire world. This song was begging to be remixed and remastered into a dark and rather illicit setting, and this is JUST THAT. Go take a break from work, put this track on your ipod and quickly rob a bank or something.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Blackedout - Champagne




There are some songs that have that special kind of airy synth that makes you want to stay in bed forever dreaming of the most beautiful scenarios and thinking of every happy thought imaginable. This is one of those songs. "Champagne" by Blackedout is a trip down positive vibe lane, a downtempo masterpiece with enlightened synths and spacey vocals. Download available.
 Keep your eyes and ears out, my friends, Blackedout will release an EP in early 2014. Yay!



Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Top 10 of 2013



I'm probably missing like 140 songs, but as I would doing this list this morning, these are the ten that came into my head right away. I'll probably do another list or seven before the end of the year because I don't want to leave out any good songs because I know my opinion is soooo important to everyone. Anyway, these are my top ten tracks in a little organized playlist. Enjoy.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

The Deep || Nico Jaar // Zimmer // Guy Gerber // Owl Eyes // Motez // Maya Jane Coles // Eli & Fur // James Blake

(Pilar Zeta)



He played twice this week in Brooklyn and I missed both. One because he's a secret little mother who released info on the show 15 mins prior and the other because it sold out in 5 minutes and capacity at Glasslands is like nine people. Anyway, I've been fan-girling over everything Nico has produced this year, from his incredibly intense Darkside album to this bit, honestly it's like our souls are his play toys. Brilliant.



Everyone fitted over this when it came out so I laid back and didn't get into it because I didn't want to be a part of the hype. But then the other week I let my Soundcloud roll and when this came on, I became the happiest person in all of the land. I think I even smiled to myself even though I was alone. This track is so gorgeous, puts me in the best of moods and really just takes me away from reality. OH ZIMMER.



Uhhhh my friend showed me this this morning, knowing very well what my reaction to it would be, and I have not been able to stop tearing, let alone turn the damn track off all morning. I want to live in a land that Pilar Zeta has created with her incredibly talented graphic design and have this on repeat for the rest of time, maybe also with "Knowing we'll be Here" by Daniel Avery. God this is beautiful. If you're around in the city on Wednesday, Guy Gerber is playing a show that night and I suggest you go, but be sure to grab some tissues and dance your little heart out all night long.



It's just one of those songs that brings out your gut in full. Deep vibes like this with stunning female vocals like homegirl has? Game over.



MJC at it again always and forever, beast of all trades. Omg this remix is so intense, my heart actually starts to palpitate in really weird ways when this is on. AND SHE'S PLAYING NYE. So first we have Brodi, Gesaff and Para One, then when that's over, making my little way over to MJC to finish out the morning. Might be one of the greatest nights of all life.



OK so what I was doing when I first heard this track is so perfectly in sync that it's only meant to be that I become one with Eli & Fur. This is for sure one of the sexiest tracks of all time, and knowing that it's from two powerful femmes makes it sound 100% better. Speaking of female djs, everyone open up a new tab and check out the company my friend started called "Women in Dance Music." Be part of the movement! Share share share!



And some J Blake just for good measure. ;)

SAVE YOUR CITY

It's so cool to look at people you knew from years ago and see the awesome and incredibly amazing things some people are doing. It's even cooler to see that some people are doing things FOR others. My friend Jamie started the coolest thing ever, he started a clothing company where all the proceeds go to buying supplies for schools in need. Taking a personal stance on education in America is something we all should do, and I suggest you check out his company and help as much as you can.

www.saveyourcity.com



Monday, November 11, 2013

Royksopp - Running to the Sea (VILLA Remix)



I still like to save songs that make me feel differently than normal for their own special post. Royksopp has always been a favorite of mine, they hit me the way Sigur Ros and Coco Rosie hit me, and this remix is just a ball of brilliance. The girls vocals are absolutely stunning, the whole song is gorgeous. It makes me feel very emotional, very happy, and very thankful that I can hear.

GO AWAY MERCURY | GORGON CITY // MNEK // LONDON GRAMMAR // KOVE // L D R U // FLUME // JAMES BLAKE // AUTOGRAF // AMTRAC

Mercury has been in retrograde the past couple weeks, and it has not screwed my shit up so much than ever before. My mood is off, I'm forgetting things, I don't want to be around people, and worst of all, I've wanted nothing to do with music, or the industry or anyone involved. I stayed home this weekend, didn't attend Brooklyn Electronic Music Festival, and didn't open my computer once this weekend. I've scoffed at musicians (except when I met James Blake last week) and honestly had no wherewithal to deal with anyone. But this morning, as I dragged myself to work and opened my Soundcloud, I listened through my stream and just cried and cried because music is so INCREDIBLY powerful and I forgot I don't do what I do for the people, or the ass hole dj's, or the stuck up fake celebrities, I do everything because I genuinely am in love with music, and I want everyone to feel the same way about it. Anyway, let's get to it:



[SAMPLE] THIS is good, honest dance music. Gorgon City always kills it with the beats, and MNEK will forever win first place for my favorite vocalist. The lyrics are perfect and the entirety of the song just sends warmth through your entire body. I can't wait for this to release, I swear I will be playing it every night before I go out. Fantastic. Pre-order it now!



Obviously the album in itself is perfection, and a couple of the remixes that have come out have really been incredible works of art. Shadow Child's remix of "Strong" in particular really stood out to me, but this remix, I don't know what it is, it has that powerful go hunting and running up a mountain kind of feel to it. I've never even heard of Kids of the Apocalypse either, but, I will certainly keep an ear out for them now.



I'm in love with this track, and I typically hate the sound of tropical steel drums in tracks, but for this, it works more than ever. I love the build up, I love the vocals, I love the whole feel of it. And then slam, it smacks you in the face with I don't even know what, but a noise that is very pleasing to my senses. So this song kind of covers all bases of emotions for me, bravo.



UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMM. I want to quit my job, rent an old convertible, kidnap my best friend and just drive. Drive and drive and drive and only play this song because this is one of the most beautiful remixes I've heard in months. And it's hella tough to remix "Insane" as it is, because of the strength of the original but L D R U, you DOG. Fantastic.



James Blake is on that hip hop up and up I'm telling you. I don't listen to Drake, I don't listen to Chance the Rapper, but I do listen to James Blake and will listen to anything he involves himself in. Am I allowed to obsess even though I met him on Thursday night at Output and he had no idea I was such a fan of his??



The homie from Autograf sent me this track and I genuinely really like this remix. Amtrac is another on I am hesitant about listening to remixes to, but this is really mellow and fabulous. Great job Autograf.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Agnes Obel - Fuel to Fire (Xinobi Rework)



The planets have aligned, my people. My favorite Autumnal dark lady of Europe's best track of her fantastic new album, remixed by one of my absolute favorite producers. Bless this track, and all those involved in the making of it. Couldn't be more excited to share this with all of you.

Panteros666 - Baby F-16



Same.

HALLOWEEN PLAYLIST | SOLOMUN // THE HACKER // EROL ALKAN // DISCLOSURE // EJECA // BODHI




I fell in love with Solomun after seeing him play with David August in some super stealthy warehouse in Brooklyn somewhere at like 4 am, and this song is actually one of the best things in my life right now. So many remixes stemmed from the OG Tiga track, but this one is by far my favorite.



I've been researching the hell out of Gesaffelstein prior to the release of Aleph, and one of my friends had told me about The Hacker being a major influence in Gesaf's life. Then upon reading Funster's interview with the don himself on Mixmag, he talked about the same thing. And then I heard this remix yesterday and I was like ohhhhh I get it. Thee end.



Yeah right when this EP drops in full my brain is going to explode out of my head. You always hold such high expectations for an EP or album from those you love, and then I get mad at myself because what if WHAT IF it just falls a little short, you get so disappointed. But heavens me, I should have known, Erol Alkan will never disappoint. THOSE DRUMS I can't.



Disclosure! You're making me blush this is so dark and sexy mm mmmm. That :43 second mark may or may not have made my heart go into some serious palpitations. Ugh, so real. This might be one of my faves.



Wow, well whatsup Ejeca. This is my kinda house music, deep, gets you thinking some weird thoughts, makes you wanna screw shit up at like 3 AM in the city...man that skipping part is fresh as fffff.



I mean I think we all can agree that Future Classic kills it over and over, time and time again. This is my favorite off the "Imperfection" EP. Groovy as all hell.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

STOP WITH THE PICTURES OF NAKED WOMEN ON MIXTAPES

I've casually commented on public forums about it, I've had short conversations about it with people in the industry over drinks and laughed it off, I've subtweeted the shit out of it on twitter, but now I am at a point where laughing out of disgust doesn't suffice. I am pissed. I'm not too sure what set me off (that's a lie, I know exactly what it was: it was looking at some California based DJ's twitter bio and his mixtape covers of woman's VAGINA's and BARE breasts covered in gold with his name written across) and I just can't take it anymore. WHY IN THE HELL is the dance music industry still suffering from such incredible amounts of anti-feminism? Actually, screw that, it's not even anti-feminism, it's just lack of class and decency. Are we honestly still that antiquated of a culture where we have to have women's organs on our mixtape/album/track covers? Are you seriously lacking creativity THAT MUCH that you have to resort to naked women for imagery? Your music honestly must not be that good if you have to have pictures of naked women distracting us. You don't see female dj's putting dicks and what not on their album covers. SO WHY is it SO acceptable to have it be done by you? We all want equality so badly, and will fight to the death about every right being acknowledged, how about the right for women to be protected? How about a realization that your disgusting, heinous, completely repulsive pictures and lyrics are just a slap in the face to people who actually appreciate music. Yeah, I will go so far as to say it shows a lack of talent. When you have to resort to painting a woman's vagina gold and calling your mixtape a really vulgar word, it is YOU making a JOKE out of something that some of us are busting our asses and hustling through life for. I have dedicated my LIFE, along with a million other people, to show the TRUE, amazing, transcendent beauty of music. To bring this gift of phenomenal sound to others, and to share in an appreciation of something that quite frankly, is other worldly. Why are you making it about you? Why are you feeding into your own disgusting, animalistic tendencies when all we want to do is listen to beautiful sound? I don't want to look at body parts that were put on there specifically so you can objectify them. Women's bodies
, minds and souls are precious, and YOU PIGS are making a joke of it.
The music industry was not, and I repeat, WAS NOT created specifically for the male species. AND I KNOW from being in the industry long enough, and making some of the COOLEST female (and male) friends I've ever made, that we, women, feel like we have to work twice as hard to be taken seriously by some. I AM SO OVER even THINKING that this is still an issue.



Grow up, ass hole musicians. Let the music speak for itself.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Boiler Room - Canblaster



Because my love for Canblaster, let alone Marble Records will never cease, I'm forcing any and all who view this page to listen to his boiler room set. Without a doubt my fave BR set this year.

James Blake - Life Round Here feat. Chance the Rapper



If you haven't seen it, now is the time to. What an absolutely mesmerizing video. Incredible. I'm seeing Chance next Wednesday, and James Blake next week sometime, too. What are the chances either of them come out on stage for the others show..?