it's not a change of heart, but its a major boost. it's not fair of me to act like everyone sucks. there really are people out there who care about me. i notice it. i promise. thank you.

why?-good friday

ok so my friend colleen turned me on to this band, why?. im excited to say that i am completely and fully obsessed at this point. this song in particular is so sexy (b). i dont know what it is about it, maybe the tenebrous words throughout, or the low creepy beat. so incredible. anyways, their songs consist of a weird kind of sunken steady stream of epic beats with this guys really low meandering flow over it. and the lyrics are unbelievable. the songs are so lyrically creative and honest. its one of those bands where as soon as you hear a song you immediately want to relate to it. like ive never been addicted to anything, but as soon as he starts talking about his addicition to any substance im like..."yeah man i totally feel you..." but its because i just want to connect so badly! ugh the songs are so good. get into them, deeply.

dante's divine comedies

if you havent read dante's divine comedies, then....you probably should. and if you have read it, and still dont believe in hell, then i dont know whats wrong with you. im reading this book for one of my literature classes and i am falling in LOVE with this book. well, the inferno scared the hell out of me (no pun intended), but i am so intruiged with his diagram of the inferno, purgatorio, and paradiso. reading this really makes me want to not ever commit any type of sins again. some of the punishments in hell are super terrifying. having to lay halfway in a pool of ice cold water, then when you cry your tears turn into ice cubes over your eyes....or hanging upsidedown from the baptismal fonts and your feet burning on fire. or swiming in feces and choking on what you're swimming in orrr being submersed in boiling pools of your own blood...that is just way too scary for me. the purgatorio doesnt sound easy either. it would suck to be a lustful and have to be wrapped in sheets of fire for purification. i guess the only thing good from that is that youre being purified so you can end up in Heaven. paradiso is a little confusing, but its cool how he drew it all out. everyone in heaven and completely satisfied knowing that you are finally with God. well anyways, ive picked out some super awesome lines from the paradiso. food for thought, i suppose. enjoy.

"for he is a fool, and low amoung his kind, who answers yea or nay without reflection, nor does it matter on which road he runs too blind."

"Let Tom and Jane not think, because they see one man is picking pockets and another is offering all his good to charity, that they can judge their neighbors with God's eyes: for the pious man may fall,and the thief may rise."
i may somehow end up putting this somewhere on my body in tattoo form. no i wont, but this line is way awesome. and it just harmonizes so beautifully with so many people and things that i happen to be dealing with at this time in my life.

"It is worse than vain for the men to leave the shore and fish for truth unless they know the art; for they return worse off than they were before."

thoughts on a liberal arts education

i wanted to kill a toddler when i first found out that i had to come to southern catholic college. i was so mad that i couldnt go to a normal university like all of my friends. i was going to go to a super miniscule college where i wont learn anything important or beneficial to my future. i'd be taking philosophy classes, literary classes, and having professors who probably were ex seminarians. i know my class mates will be homeschool uncultured people who i'll want nothing to do with.

well. i must say, three years in and my opinion has completely changed. not only do i actually get along with a few people here, but i absolutely adore my classes. ethics was probably the best and most important class i would take and need in my lifetime. my medieval literature class i am taking currently wouldnt be anything if it wasnt for the fact that my professor was Catholic. im not just reading millions of books that are like healthfood for your mind, but im learning about it in a way that opens my eyes to see it a way i couldnt do on my own.

not only are these classes teaching me how to live, but they are doing a really incredible job on learning WHY i live. i think learning about who you are, why you are, and what youre capable of, is going to go a lot farther than learning what proper way to use excel is, or learning whatever you learn in management classes...

i dont know, i guess even if im not the happiest ball of sunshine on the planet, i am happy im at least getting a damn good education out of all of this superficial bullshit ive been having to deal with.

Sky Ferreira-Happy Dre

this girl is super awesome. i saw her fashion week interview on NYLONmag.com, and i kinda got a crush on her right after i watched it. shes like...16 or something, has a baller voice, and killer style. anyways, this is a cover of the beatles song 'happiness is a warm gun' over a dr. dre beat. totally rad.

valentines day sucks

Valentines Day. ohhhhh how i loathe this day. the idea that people spend money and time on gifts and presents trying to please their loved ones makes me sick. seriously, it does. its not even a real holiday. this day was created completely by hallmark and card makers just so they could make a buck. and man...are they rolling in money because of this sickening 'holiday'. and if you give me the St. Valentine card, and that he loved the whole relationship deal, its not true. he wouldnt of wanted this. he just wanted people to get married so there was no fornication. did you know that he was actually beaten with clubs and then beheaded?...think about that on valentines day next year...anyways, its a load of crap. the relationship is probably just going to end, and your now negative $__ because your girlfriend would get mad if you didnt acknowledge this day. why dont you just take the time out of some random week to let your dear one know you care about them? instead of having to succumb to the pressures of red roses and chocolate.
sure, call me jealous, bitter, or even angry. maybe i am. i have no idea what it feels like to have a guy go out of his way to buy me flowers or...candy..or whatever it is people buy for each other on this day. my mom sent me roses this year, i felt awesome. they look amazing on my desk. but imagine if those were sent from a boyfriend? ...im not really sure if i would feel really gay, or flattered. probably gay. i dont want a boyfriend anyways. the more i think about it, the more i love being alone. i was watching that show 'say yes to the dress', today, (im not sure why i put myself through that torture for hours on end) but i realized, im never getting married. i dont even want to. all that stress ? and for what....a showy wedding thats lasts all but 2 hours. not interested. (no offense engaged sister katie, im sure you two are happy as clams).
but seriously. why add that stress onto your life? im pretty sure relationships end up in nothing but fights and finding the worst in each other. and im sure there are those who are happy ever after blah blah..and thats great, and i would LOVE that, but lets get real, that will NEVER happen. especially not with me. im cynical, pessimistic, and im pretty sure my pathetic little heart is coloured black. everyone has their own agenda, and everyone does their own thing. maybe as time goes on and as i continue on my life journey ill come across someone who is capable of loving me. but until then, i will enjoy my chocolates sent by my mother, watch my sister give her life up to another man (who is awesome by the way, i DO love them together, DONT get me wrong) and go on through life alone knowing that i suck. just kidding, im not that depressing.
but seriously, im a lone wolf. live alone, die alone.

'What Was I Thinking? 58 Bad Boyfriend Stories' THANKS engaged sister, katie, for providing me with this uplifting book on the eve of valentines day. im not too sure if it was sent to remind me of how much i suck at having boyfriends, or to make me feel better about not having one. either way, it makes me laugh to read, then cry, realizing that i suck, just like the girls in these stories.

RIP Alexander McQueen

courtesy of telegraph.co.uk

RIP Alexander McQueen <3. One less amazing, daring, talented soul; one thousand more beautiful memories and creative ideas.