Monday, March 7, 2011


If you've been keeping up with my constant bitching, then you would know that the past couple of weeks I've been feeling depression creeping it's way back inside of my life. However, after telling that to my mom one night on the phone, and having her flip a shit and scream at me (I know it's because she just doesn't understand how it all works, and she honestly is just scared that...'that' will happen again) I made a conscious decision to tell myself to stop sinking and start swimming. Along with this initial internal power, a very cute friend of mine gave me a book to read. As I was reading it I could've sworn that he was either trying to convert me to Protestantism or he heard that I was negative and acted like he had just a random book floating around to give to me. But honestly, it was one of the most positive, healthy, nice, (literary defected) books I've ever read. It was all about Perspective.
That is something I'm not good at. Everything is half empty to me, everything is dead or dying, and everything is shitty. But honestly, where the hell is that attitude going to get me in life? Nowhere. Now I know why one of my best friends wouldn't take my shit any longer. She always had a positive attitude, and now she's the head intern at Vogue's accessory department. How depressing was I to be around the last year or so? SO WHAT, shit happens, I bet 80% of people have PTSD, clinical depression.... anxiety and panic disorder............but if I choose to just sit and wait for the worst...where is that going to get me. I was bitching about how I have to stay at school for spring break...WHO CARES, I live in freaking Naples, FL, one of the nicest warm areas of the south, I have a bajillion books I can finally read for myself, I'm with two of my best friends, and I have all the time in the world to blog and go to the beach. I did't really get to see this until I met thee most depressing person in the world. So self-loathing, so selfish, so negative....I never ever want to be that bad.
So damn, here is to brightening up my wardrobe from black to grey.

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