Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Mt. Eden feat. Ruby Frost - Oh That I Had
I love this song. It's so beautiful, and it makes me want to cry. I want to listen to this while I am running away.
I tried to watch the Virgin Suicides last night for the first time since I saw it in highschool. I could't do it. I couldn't even watch what used to be one of my favorite movies. As soon as the scene opened and she dropped the Holy card, that was it for me. I don't know why I am still so sensitive, it's over and done with, but I still have so much guilt and anxiety. I pray every day that it goes away, and I believe it is. It's going away a little too slowly, but I feel it moving.
Which brings me to my next point. I've had at least five people come up to me at school telling me that I look happier. What the hell does that mean? I don't think I will ever be a "happy person" but I suppose it's nice to have going on right now. I do have a new person who I think it contributing highly to my mood. It's nice to have no pre judgements about you and being able to start new. It's really, really nice.
But then the anxiety of school ending and becoming a real live adult sets in. And the I remember that I still want to move somewhere where nobody knows who I am, and I can pretend to be anyone I want to be.
I want to go far away. Very far away.
I want to be in places like this.