"don't give people the bullets to shoot you with"

a very wise priest once told me "don't give people the bullets to shoot you with." it took me until just about now to realize what that meant. i'm sure it can be taken in many different ways, but the way i have come to understand it is that...
people can shoot you ALL they want. take shots whenever they want, but you cant let them have the bullets to kill you. now, i can go a couple ways with this. one way is to say that you shouldnt let people bring you down, dont let people get to you. and im sure thats exactly what it means, however, ill take it to an extreme and go with...vulnerability. the more vulnerable you make yourself to someone, the easier they can kill you. now, im sure this is a negative way to think about things, but in reality, it is true. the more you let your guard down, and become open for someone, the more bullets you give to them. then when you think your safe, youre being shot in the back with what YOU let them have. people can and will take stabs at all times. why? i dont know. maybe it makes them feel powerful, that you are now powerless.
now, im not saying you should have an iron fortress around your heart like i do, but...keep yourself close to yourself. dont let other people in unless they really deserve it. or if you do, make sure that you are strong enough to be able to recover from that bullet wound. your the only person who will understand/get/fully appreciate yourself. just something to think about...

Music Go Music-Warm In the Shadows

i found this song while browsing through a NYLON one night a couple months ago, it came up on my itunes and i remembered how much i absolutely love it. her voice is hypnotizing and the low steady beats put your mind in a weird trance. awesome lyrics.

"Touch me again
Come to where a woman can be free
Heal me now
Join me in a land that knows no end"
also check out the song 'reach out' by them.

miss america, the role model of our day.

just a recap of some awesome, intelligent, inspiring words, from our MISS AMERICA PAGEANTEES.

"we love to have fun! we're real people too"
youre not that famous where people think you may not be real. ...even though you look like you are made of plastic...

after being asked why they should choose them as our miss america: "i think i should be chosen for your miss america because my last name is 'treat', and ill be a real treat."
...i mean...

and my personal favorite: "i'm actually pro life, however, i do believe a woman should have a choice."
CLEARLY you arent really pro life, because that would make you pro choice. hence the word...'choice'. idiot.

it's like watching a giant sorority compete for a crown, but, act like they are all really happy for each other every time one of them gets called for the next top number...when we all know what they actually do to each other back stage. they even have a 'little sister program.' lame. i will say though, the talent section was cool. they actually had some serious talent, whether it was being a baller ballerina, jazz dancer, singer, or pianist. they were all prettttty good.
but seriously though, just one question: does it hurt to be that fake?

thought of the day

bumming leads to being depressed. when something shitty happens, you want to immediately give up. or at least i do. but one thing i have learned after having a sufficient amount of less than inadequate things happening to me is that: time heals all wounds. remember that. don't ever give up. time heals EVERYTHING.

Stars-You're E-Lover is Dead (Final Fantasy Mix)

i am in LOVE with this dark, beautiful song. for some reason i can't help but picture a girl in a mask running through an empty, cobwebbed mansion circa late 1800's. but anyways, i love the lyrics, and the piano and violin just tear at your heartstrings. enjoy my friends.

"live through this, and you won't look back"

i think this might just be my new mantra.

RomAYo+Juliet-Radiohead, Talkshow Host

this movie is one of my favorite movies of all time. Baz Luhrmann's version of romeo+juliet is so well done, the cinematography is epic, the colours and wardrobe are perfect, and the they could not have casted any better. anyways, this is a really cool mashup of the song 'talkshow host' by radiohead and the basic storyline of the movie.

i think that its time for us to leave this place...

after being depressed at school today and thinking how the hell i ended up here, i got to thinking about the different directions my life could have gone. if i did somewhat decently in high school, maybe i could have gone to a baller college and become a doctor or lawyer or something that makes over 50k a year. or i could have gone the dancer route. maybe if i wasnt forced to quit at 16 when i was still young and limber, i couldve been famous already. gone to school for dance, or maybe dance for work or something. mmm...i miss dance....or i couldve gone the dropout route. i hated school so much at first that i totally couldve dropped out and lived at home and been a bum. but i didnt. im at southern catholic college in dawsonville, georgia. the largest meth city in the south. and i have NO idea where i am going with my life.
im taking it one day at a time. i used to be completely pessimistic and negative about my life, (i totally still am, but highly working on it) and where it was going. but after talking to a dear friend of mine, i realized...i have my ENTIRE future ahead of me. im so glad im not still caught up in my life in connecticut, still dating that person from highschool, and feeling tied down to this one sided life. i am young, confused, and ready to face anything. and im actually really excited about it. im so eager to know where my life will take me. sure i feel super pressured by my parents and family about becoming something significant (that topic is just too loaded for now..) but i want to explore. who knows how much longer of life i will have. and who cares about living up to some expectation for your family, friends, or america. i want to do my own thing, and i think its time i start planning. i honestly have never been so positive in my life about anything. and i am positive that i will have a very eventful, exciting future. and im not giving myself full credit for my change in attitude. a couple people really helped me see this side of myself. and i hope those people are included in my script of life. and if they arent, then i am excited for the journey alone....


"king of the hopeless will fall"

SO happy to be back with my kids in atlanta. photos by justin holmes and colleen obrien.

really, label me.

being at home on break took a little too much out of me. as much as i love my family, i can only be home for so long. going home eats part of my soul every single time i step across those lines...but thats another post, for another time. so this break, was wayyy too long, and i just wanted to get back to atlanta. now that im back, i dont know how i feel. i mean, i love atlanta, and my friends there so so much, and i consider it my home, but sometimes i just feel...alone. then i remember i have school in another town... which is whole other life.
i hate being back at school. this town is the most boring, unaccepting place ive ever been graced with living in. i dont even feel comfortable in my own living arrangements. my new suitemate decided that koala bears, glitter seals, and butterflies are necessary in our bathroom and shower. just for an example. but anyways, ive been doing really well here the past couple semesters, after having an extremely rough first few semesters. but as soon as i got back on campus this time, i could tell it was going to be a rough time. for some reason, people here just DONT get me. or like me. or...want anything to do with me. and im usually really upset by the fact that all 150 kids here at school judge me, and talk about me. but...ive decided i kind of like it. label me. talk about me. spread rumors. be as mean and judgemental as you want to me. it doesnt bother me anymore. i know that you have no idea what you are talking about, youre just bored with your life so you make up stuff about mine. your actions are just going to lead me to be alone, JUST like it did freshman year, where i can learn even more about myself. and learn that you all are just a bunch of fake, judgemental, hypocritical catholics. you are the type of person that give our religion such a bad name. but in the long run, i dont have to answer to any of you.
what used to bother me the most about it, is that you dont even give me a chance to speak. you dont care at all what i have to say, or what i think about anything. maybe when i try to go out of my way to be accepted by you, you should...accept. no? just thought id throw it out there. but in all seriousness, thank you. this makes me learn so much more about myself, and it lets my imagination grow to the max.
i now have 4 imaginary friends.

ASHISH leopard print peeptoe wedge.
i've been in love ever since i saw them last year in NYLON. and they STILL use them in shoots. somebody love me and buy me these :)

imagination fascination

last nite i saw the movie 'the imaginarium of dr. parnassus'. i went into this movie knowing only that it was heath ledgers last film, and that it was done by the same guy who wrote the screenplay for 'fear and loathing in las vegas'. oh, and that model who is always in NYLON, lily cole was in it. i figured it would be a fun, possibly trippy movie to see, so i went with my girlfriends thinking it would be a weird, light movie. false. this movie was the most brilliant, disturbing, dark, beautiful, ingenious movies i have ever seen in my entire life. when the movie ended, i sat there in my seat, like...frozen, with tears in my eyes. i could hear everyone around me saying "what the hell did we just watch", or, "oh my God that was the weirdest movie i have ever seen." i dont want to spoil it any if you havent seen it, but the depth of this movie is so intense, IF you let yourself go there with it. if the whole idea of making a deal with the devil isnt terrifying enough, to think about how much power your imagination holds, is one of the scariest, most amazing things to think about. the amount of decisions you make in a lifetime is infinite. you can make a decision about that littlest thing that will alter the course of your life forever...

i took A LOT out of this movie, not only being scared out of my mind thinking of how there is always a battle for our soul between the good and the evil...but what i really started to think about were my dreams.

ever since i was a little baby, i've had the most elaborate, intense dreams and nightmares. every night. and most times i tell people about the dreams ive had, i either get the "you're totally making that up", or..."what the hell did you take before you went to bed." and the answer is nothing. i just have these vivid dreams about anything and everything, and sometimes when i wake up its the most calming feeling in the world, or i scare the shit out of myself. i will never understand why i have the dreams i have, and i would never wish them away. but i got to thinking. every single person in the world is different. all with different personalities and different minds. so when people dream, no two people have the same dream. ever. they are all based on our imagination and our experiences, and i do believe that some dreams are prophetic, or intuitive in some way. but since dreams are so personal i dont know if i want to share them with anyone anymore. dreams are so fascinating to me. i think mostly because its not like we can control what we dream about. sure, we can have interferences, like alarm clocks or loud sounds or music or people talking, but some people have dreams of things and people and places they have never even seen before. i have had at least three times where i have gone to a place that ive NEVER been to before, but i recognize it, and its because its been in a dream before. that i just...dont understand. but i almost dont even want to because i love the randomness of your mind. peoples minds and imaginations hold such an insane amount of power. and people really dont recognize that. we live in an age where everything is out in the open. facebook, BLOGS, cellphones, email...everyone knows everything about everybody. its almost like all you have left are your dreams. save your dreams. keep them sheltered from this destructive world. there is so much we can learn about ourselves from the dreams our minds bestow at night. allow yourself to be taught by your mind. your mind and dreams will tell you things that nobody else will. only i can understand myself, and sometimes i cant even understand myself, but when i tell my dreams to someone, i cant expect them to fully grasp it how i do. i really am starting to wish that people would step away from the loud static that recent technology is putting in our heads, and use their imagination more. read more. draw more. write more. think more.

dream more.

Logan Lynn - Feed Me To The Wolves (Flufftronix Remix)

lyrics:
"I think that it's time for us to leave this place
maybe if you come with me I'll keep you safe
You can feed me to the wolves if I make one mistake
cut me up in pieces when I misbehave
Can you find a way to ease this pain
go and buy something to take it away
'Cause we don't have a lot of time to hesitate
maybe you can find a way to give me a break
Oh I don't have the mind to fight
I've got you in my sight and I won't stop until
I find a way to make you stay
Can you find a way to ease this pain
can you find a way to give me a break
Cause I don't have the heart to say goodbye
please take me with you or I'll die before
I find a way to ease this pain
Can you find a way to ease this pain
go and buy something to take it away
Cause I don't have a lot of time
I've got you in my mind and I won't stop until
I find a way to make you stay
I'll find a way to make you stay
baby I will find a way to make you stay
Cause I don't have the heart to say goodbye
please take me with you or I'll die before
I find a way to ease this pain"

the lyrics say enough. the amount of emotion this song/remix holds speaks an incredible amount. when :28 hits...let the song just take you away. close your eyes, put on your headphones, turn out the lights, do whatever you have to. just feel it.

Marina and The Diamonds - Hollywood (Fenech Soler remix)

okay this song is the shit. one of those songs where when the beat drops you don't even know what to do with yourself because you get so excited. the original is pretty awesome too, and marina is totally hot, anddd it the video is strangely intruiging.

OH.MY.GOD.





here is the video.



watching this video actually made me think a lot about america. and how much im embarrassed by it. not only embarrassed by who is currently in charge of our country....(i wont even get into my politcal opinions), or by shows on television like 'jersey shore', dear God that show is unbelievable...but im disgusted by the things people will do for fame and fortune, how unethical and money hungry people have become, and how sloppy everything is. the obesity epidemic disgusts me too. not because i hate fat people, (i know how you people think), but because of the laziness and lack of drive people have. now, im sure this happens in different countries as well, but america seems to pinpoint that main mentality. and hollywood...is a joke. i feel as though you would just get lost in the media and what other people want from you and youll end up losing yourself. how many stories have you heard about people who became famous and lost themselves....? then i think about how like...i feel like america has no culture. sure like the wars and 1776 and the declaration and all that, but other countries culture is SO much cooler.

HOWEVER....as i was watching this video with my brother, he had a super good point. where else in the world are you going to find jocks, cheerleaders, red white and blue, and varsity jackets? sure i hate all that shit, but seriously it is kinda cool to think that america started that. like you turn on that video and you can just tell its portraying america. even the house in the beginning. its like a plantation house, and thats totally american. i dont know if what im trying to get across is making sense, but its just kinda weird to think that stuff like that originated in america. and its kinda cool, and it ALMOST makes me appreciate pigtails, varsity jackets, and uncle sam a little bit more.

Tiesto feat. CC Sheffield-Escape Me

another badass alert. Tiesto featuring CC Sheffield, who's in a band called LE REV. seriously one of my favorite videos ever. awesome lights, beats, setup, and wardrobe. i LOVE her outfits in these, Emma Lamp did an excellent job. her band is hot too, almost too hot to actually be able to play those instruments.....anyways i love the song, i love the lyrics.
pretty things....

jessica6-Fun Girl

i feel like a little girl who is secretly watching a dirty mtv video when i watch this one. its like a dirty selena, mixed with amber in the 'this is your night' video, circa 1997. but all in all, shes hot, the songs super rad, and its a great video. the bad sensual dancing just makes it that much better.

the XX chromosomes

i wasnt going to do it. i really told myself i wouldnt, but seeing more of you on facebook...i just have to. if i havent made it clear by now, im not the biggest proponent of the greek life. or....any large groups of preppy boys or more than 5 girls at a time for that matter. it's almost like there is this unwritten code for sororities that you MUST be false to join. im still trying to understand it. i guess sororities are just...the only option for insecure girls who cant make friends on their own.

actually, im gunna switch it up a bit. im going to just talk about girls in general. sororoties take it to another level, yes, but its not fair to call out sororities like that. just the people ive encountered in them havent been the best. but its really just...girls. they suck. we are a jealous, manipulative, deceiving, insecure breed, and i can honestly say that i hate girls. what is it about girls that they have to be so damn fake and insecure? a night in at home and i gander through some facebook pics, and im pretty positive that 4 out of the 6 girls you are kissing and hugging in pictures, you talked massive shit about. if youre going to talk shit in the first place....at least follow through.... do you realize that the chick next to you is hooking up with your boyfriend? or that the little angel to the left actually just spread a rumor that you cheated on your boyfriend with hers? and im almost certain the girl you are taking a shot with....you slept with her boyfriend. hell, im pretty sure you have slept with every ones of those girls boyfriends, or brothers. because it makes you feel better about yourself, right? you cant have real friends or guys who treat you decent because you are too fake and promiscuous to do so. soooo you sleep around and ruin peoples livs to fill that hole. due to the fact that you cant be seen as real person, you throw on this award winning facade, but what you dont know, is that everyone can see right through you.

i guess i just dont understand why you do this to yourself. do you go to bed happy knowing that you are a completely false person? does that make you sleep better at night? its so messed up in my mind. JUST BE REAL. whats the harm in that? if youre you then youll learn so much more about yourself.

I AM NOT JUDGING YOU. i actually do know that youre being fake. to those who think im being rude or judgemental, im not, its true. this is what happens. and im calling you out. if its what you like to do, and you are happy with yourself, then that is great.