the internal debate between fear and love

so tonite i saw the anticipated alice in wonderland. favorite book, favorite disney movie, favorite director...let down of a movie. it wasnt alice in wonderland, it was through the looking glass, which is fine, but that should have then been the title. johnny depp was a fabulous mad hatter, but the actress who played alice kind of sucked. the red queen and white queen were portrayed well, and i liked how they had the collision of the two, representing good and evil. oh but i wanted to kill whoever decided that playing avril levign at the credits was acceptable..anyway, the point of this post is not to talk about the movie. i had a little bit of a tiny revelation in this movie. alice is independant. she runs her mind, and ends up in a world full of madness where people dont have to understand her, and she doesnt have to understand people. nobody expects anything of her, and she doesnt expect anything of anyone else. its an escape from the outside superficiality into her own mind, which has created its own world, and its wonderful. and as much as i wish that could happen in real life, it can't.

unfortunately, this world is the world we live in and we have to deal with it. people and situations are going to suck, but...i dont know, i guess that shouldnt mean that i have to become bittered and closed off. machiavelli said that its better to be feared than to be loved. i thought i agreed with him. but i dont know anymore. i think my negative attitude have pushed people away, and then i just become more lonely than i already am. maybe the key to finding complete happiness is letting people in, and trusting them. getting hurt is inevitable. but if you dont let people in, you're going to miss all the good things that come along with the bad. the red and the white are going to collide in life, so why waste your time being pessimistic when you could hope? do i want to be the red? living life in fear and letting people fear me? or do i want to be the white, letting people love me, loving them, trusting them, and hoping for the best. i guess it wouldnt hurt trying to be on the white team for once. you can be independant without being cold, and you can be vulnerable without getting hurt.
maybe. we'll see.