Sunday, May 2, 2010

extraverted /// introverted

i ended up spending my saturday night alone. i was supposed to go somewhere with someone, but as i was driving 25 minutes to the nearest borders to spend my 40% off coupon, i had this weird thought process haunt me during my drive. as i was listening to 'the hollows', by why?, i had this burning revelation that i don't want to be known anymore. im aware of how emo-esque and bizarre that sounds, but it's true. as i was walking through borders, i noticed a handsome man sitting alone in the coffee section. he was eyeing me, and normally i would think to strike up a conversation, but for some reason i was completely uninterested in talking with anyone at the store. i ignored all of my calls and texts within the two hours i was in there. i was in complete happiness searching for that special book in which i would grace buying it with my discount (i ended up purchasing the collected works of sylvia plath). anyway, ive come to the conclusion that i dont want people to know me anymore, especially at this transition in my life. school closed, im back home (with people who still have to hide the fact they hang out with me in case of the awful circumstance in which their girlfriends find out and get mad - SO over that, grow up..), and i've left everything that was once a huge important part of my life behind. i wanted to keep it going, i was trying, but you just have to come to a realization at some point that things end for a reason, and just because you want it to continue doesnt mean that they want it to too...and i'm trying to do something new and exciting in my life that i finally can do for myself, by myself, in a city that i love. (details later if all works out).

i figured this was a good reason to become introverted. yes, im aware that keeping a blog is not a good way to keep quiet, but because i'm doing this doesnt mean i don't want to write about my thoughts. i've decided that i'm just sick of people. i'm sick of trying to have a good time, when i know deep inside i'm not. i'm sick of people making assumptions about everything i stupidly put out on facebook for the world to see. i would much rather just stay home at night and read all my new books, write all my streams of thoughts, and listen to all of my music. if you want to find me, find me. or, as my friend thome yorke of radiohead would say "you want me? well come on and break the door down.."

i'm ready.


  1. facebook is gossip. your blog is to spread knowledge...main difference between putting yourself out there positively or negatively. we shouldnt care about what people think or say, but everyone does. it's inevitable

    you should read The Bell Jar.

  2. lindsay. im reading the bell jar right now. on chapter 2. whoa, in tune.