Monday, October 4, 2010

Personal Therapy

I just came in from watching an absolutely beautiful sunset. I took my book out with me and finally was able to come up with some pretty cool stream of conscious and a pretty little baby poem. I think I like it here. I'm keeping myself busy with my work, and when play time comes around, I find myself getting into childish scrupulous mischief. I laugh so much. Other than homegirl 1 and 2, I've never had girlfriends who can just chill, listen to house, and be stupid. A good stupid. A needed stupid. A calm and rehabilitating stupid. A healthy stupid. It's something I've needed. I like this peace I've found...

I've realized I need therapy again. After an event at the beach with Aimee occurred, I realized how bad my panic disorder is. I realized how bad my train of thought is, and how easily I let people take control of my mind. I realized how sensitive I am to it, I realized why it occurs, and it makes me so unbelievably angry towards the people who are the reason why I panic. I am so weakened by the thoughts and previous situations that have caused me to be like this. And I hate. I hate. I have so much anger towards people. Rightfully so, but I definitely am trying to find my own therapy without having to go see someone new. I think my meticulous playtime is working out well.

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